Monday, January 30, 2006

From a Jihadist to a Human--part four

When I turned 15, for some unknown reason – before taking any major step – I wanted to read the Koran. I opened a copy of the Koran, translated into a language I could read, and started reading it with true understanding for the first time. I read the Koran till Sura 7.157 and stopped dead in my tracks, because this is the Sura that says that Mohammed was mentioned in the Bible. I was like, 'woah! This is my chance to convert all of the Christians.’ Moslems think that the Bible just contains the Gospel, because Moslems never read it.

I emailed my dad and asked if it was alright to download a Bible and told him the reason why I wanted to download it. I said it was because I wanted to find where it prophesied about Mohammed and then convert the Christians. His reply was rather strange for me at the time. He said 'Download the Bible for that, it is allowed, but conversion to Christianity isn't.' I didn't get at the moment why he said that but later I did. Anyway, I downloaded the King James Version of the Bible because I had read on the internet that it was the most popular one. But, like all other Moslems, I used to believe that every 'version' of the Bible differs from the others in everything – from the content within to the number of chapters to every minute detail.

I read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. To my amazement, I didn't find a single word about Mohammed in the Bible. I was shocked, of course. It made me so sad that I couldn't say a word about it – to myself or others. In this sadness, one day, I was sitting on the steps of my house. I don't know why or how – I broke all Islamic rules of praying and 'talked' with 'Allah' directly. I prayed in a whisper, ‘Allah please never leave me alone!' I don't know why I said that but right then I heard something I have not forgotten since. Someone, out of the blue, answered, 'I won't.' Shocked, I looked up and around – I didn't see anyone. I knew someone had answered me because I wasn't sleeping.

I was all awake, thinking. Then I wondered what a Moslem is never suppose to think about at all--I thought maybe 'Allah' had answered me. It was this thought that started the doubts in my mind about Islam.

After having this revelation of my own, I started asking questions about my faith for the first time. My first question of course was, if Mohammed said he was the last prophet and there won't come any after him and the only way 'Allah' would talk to humans was through the Koran, then why did 'Allah' take so much pain in answering one of his slaves (me) directly? If Mohammed was right in what he said, then why did this happen to me? I realized that what I had just done was called 'doubt' and doubting what Mohammed said was equal to doubting what 'Allah' says, because the Koran places the words of Mohammed as equal to that of 'Allah's'. Doubting Islam is a crime which gets a Moslem out of the circle of Islam and gives him the status of an apostate. The punishment for an apostate in Islam is, of course, death.

I started reading the Koran where I had left off, realizing I was no more a Moslem. I read the Koran critically and not as a believer -- I wasn't taking sides anymore. I knew I had to reach the right decision. If Islam was right then I knew how to get back into Islam – it only took a second, I just had to repeat that 'La-ilaha-illallah-o-mohammed-ur-rasulallah' and I was back into Islam a Moslem. But if Islam wasn't the right path – I had decided I wouldn't follow something that was corrupted no matter what the consequences I had to face afterwards.

Click here to read Part Five


John Sobieski said...

AA, it is really fascinating reading about your experience. There are many former Muslims at who have experienced a similar awakening of doubt and questioning of their religion. I look forward to your next post.

American Crusader said...

I agree..this has been fascinating reading.

eyesallaround said...

That's great! I had a similar experince in a dream... The message for me was "Even though you can't be with me now, I am with you always."

Isn't that beautiful?

Crazy Marzouq Redneck Muslim said...

Very Interesting. I prayed to the Most High at a shrine dedicated to Mary Mother of Jesus. A small voice told me to become a Muslim.

Another interesting thing is I prya directly to Allah and praise Him during the trials I endure. When I do, I receive comfort.

In Islam, as I have learned, the Holy Spirit is very important too.

I feel I am a servant of Allah The Most High. I had been told to think of myself as a slave but I disagree.

I think corrupt Muslims are trying to lay on the slavery to subjugate them to their way of thinking.

Saudi Arabia, where the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him) was born is sure as Hell corrupt. I hesitate to go on Hajj because I fear I would get decapitated for my views expressed here.

Maybe we need a Kabbah on the American Continent. All we need is a meteorite!

Salaam eleikum!

SKC said...

Dear Jihadist,
You should not have left islam, Allah has answer u directly, and says that he will always be with you, why leave ? what else is there to fear ? Allah will always walk with you, go back to islam and help your fellow brothers in faith, why else would Allah walk with you, always ?

hanuna29 said...

Unfortunately I have heard many people express similar "issues", or doubts... and more often than not the root is lack of knowledge of the true religion of al Islam. Not knowing something is always a cause of (concern, angst, doubt etc...)
I am going to give this advice for whoever it is meant to benefit and I will be gone. Much of what you based you decision on is just not true. Just to name one point, the Prophet Muhammed PBUH was prophesiced in the TORAH. But the sad reality of this life is that Allah/God/The Creator guides whom he wills. And another point that I wanted to mention, something you said about breaking every rule about praying... this was completely wrong! all you were doing was supplicating, this is absolutely right, we are supposed to do that, we are supposed to take our 'issues' DIRECTLY to Allah swt. There is no intercessor here on earth, in this life, and we can only hope the Rasool might interceed on our behalf yowm ul qiyama. Anyway, there's so much that could be said, but you've gone so far already, i don't know that one person could clear up your doubts or misunderstandings. The very best I can say is Allah Hadeek ma Salam