Thursday, June 15, 2006

Dennis Miller's Take on Israel

For those of you out there who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called Dennis Miller Live on HBO. He is not Jewish.

In 2003, he had the following pithy commentary to say about Israel. Have a look and enjoy! (Hat tip European Kafir):

A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need.

Here we go: The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word.

Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation." So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian"anymore to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths, until someone points out they're being taped.

Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death." I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."

Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David, but if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living. That's no fun.

No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel. Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"as their textbooks call it --for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth . . . you know that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Middle East. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs; 5 million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that, if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals. Really? Wow, what neat news.

Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the numbers. Imagine 500 million Jews and 5 million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not. Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children? Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that,with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th, our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful.

Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day), start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day,we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.

Please feel free to pass this along to your friends. Walk in peace! Be Happy! Have a wonderful life.

UPDATE: This pithy essay is actually by a pundit named Larry Miller and is part of a larger eidtorial that was written for The Daily Standard on 22 April 2002.


eyesallaround said...

LOL! He's great isn't he.. He "gets it"...

Always On Watch said...

Dennis Miller can be an acerbic satirist. Of course, he's correct in his assessment!

friendlysaviour said...

I just got round to reading this. So funny! So observant,.. thats the essence of good comedy, show things in a fresh light.
Thats why cartoons are perceived as sharp barbs by some, maybe.
Nothing like a ray of light to show us the dust when we draw the curtains!
Gosh, we need the vacuum cleaner.

Anonymous said...

So I dont get?? Are the reasons for killing hundred of thousands of palestinians since 1948 and ravaging the entire Middle East that consequently started the flourishment of extremist organizations, was is to grow oranges? Does the advanced nations, because of their technological upper hand give them the right to conquer, destroy, murder and vanish other nations? What is the next step then? Growing potatoes in Iraq?

And yes I do agree with him that we should fight the muslims...oops...sorry , the "jew haters" all over the world...lets fight 1.2 Billion wolves against the innocent ONLY nuclear power with the strongest backed LOBBIES in DC white sheep. What the hell, lets entangle and drag the entire US to this war as the "Israeli national security" is vitaly connected to the "US national security" says the AIPAC.

Anonymous said...

"So I dont get?? Are the reasons for killing hundred of thousands of palestinians since 1948 and ravaging the entire Middle East that consequently started the flourishment of extremist organizations, was is to grow oranges? "

".. hundred (sic) of thousand .."

There were only 600,000 "Palestinians" who left in 1948, planning to come back after Israel's destruction by Arab armies. Your claim of large-scale killings is totally untrue. Israel sent out leaflets asking them to STAY.

Anonymous said...

Just for completeness, Larry Miller (the actual author) IS Jewish.

But then anyone paying attention to where Islamophobia was coming from, would know that.


Anonymous said...

Not only are you one of thewisest but you are are one of the funniest and I try not to miss you on the radio. You always make my day!

RJSoftware said...

Dennis Miller pushing Zionist crap, isn't remotely funny.

Time for Americans to wake up from our Zionist controlled nation.

Why now? Because we know Israel was involved in 9-11. There is just too much proof to ignore. They did it to drag Americans into wars with Arab nations.

We need to stand up and clean house.


The Anti-Jihadist said...

In the interests of free speech, and only in the interests of free speech, we are allowing the previous remark. Further anti Semitic remarks will be ignored, disallowed, not published, or deleted.

jstr said...

yes, there are no palestinians and yes, they could form their own country and yes they have assumed the mantle of victimhood and yes, islam keeps people just plain stupid and yes, they inbreed to the point of birthing morons but as for jews just wanting to get along and be left alone: howizit then that they always seem to gravitate to positions of power and influence wherever they are, and as a group work to subvert the culture and society that let them in? and then that society sees what is happening and kicks them out? their value system tends toward collectivism. individually they may be the most creative and smartest and hardest working per capita but I reject the "envy" line as a basis for anti-judaism (anti-semitic includes arabs too so it is not an accurate term). After all, I dont think cicero nor aristotle nor newton nor jefferson were jews so the non-jews have a few smart ones too. nonetheless, jews played a major role in the bolshevik revolution and many were the leaders who executed millions of russians and starved millions of ukrainians. not that the chinese didnt also do that as influenced by communism but wasnt that created by Karl Marx, son of wealthy jews though he was influenced by rousseau, a frenchman? it gets confusing but if jews "just want to be left alone" then let them stop trying to control the rest of us through the coercive power of guvmint and let them assimilate or if they insist on remaining separate within larger societies and cultures, let them "live and let live" first and stop trying to seditiously introduce their values into the larger culture with the goal to subvert it and destroy it.