Friday, September 22, 2006

Back to School

My college classes started for me again today, after four months of vacation. I was excited to see my friends after such a long time. I thought we’d get together and talk about what we did during those four months; that we will share things like normal friends. I happily met with them all again, shook hands and then we headed for the food court, our normal hangout.

We sat there and started talking. Everyone started eagerly talking about what they did on vacation, how they felt about their grades, how they planned this party, how they had fun at that party, all the exciting places they went to, or the girls they met along the way. They were talking about things anyone would expect someone in their early 20s to talk about—it was plainly obvious that they were living “normal” lives.

When it was my turn to tell them about my life during vacation, I looked at them and said nothing. I was thinking ‘what should I tell them?’ While they were back in their homeland (most of them are from India) having the best time of their lives, I was in my family home in Dubai, just a few kilometers away, worrying about how Muslims might further oppress, injure or slaughter non-Muslims. Should I tell them that? Or should I tell them that my mom said it’s important that people like me, i.e. apostates from Islam, be killed? Or should I tell them about the many sleepless nights I had thinking about my situation, the times I felt alone—because I was feeling like a stranger among my own family, in my own home. Should I tell them that I, not once, went out to party or on a long drive just for the heck of it? Should I?

A friend of mine interrupted me while I was thinking through all this and asked, “Why are you so serious today? Is everything alright?” I wanted to scream out loud, ‘No! Everything is upside down! I have been a Christian for about three years now, long before I met any of you guys—to hell with Islam and to hell with my former life’.

But I merely ended up saying, “I have a headache, I don’t want to talk.” Leaving them all, I abruptly got up and went off by myself, not to party or enjoy anything, but to a secluded place so I could think about my plight all over again!

Being a secret apostate in the land of Islamia is such a crushing burden, one I would not wish on anyone. It affects absolutely everything in my life, even supposedly happy things like reunions with school chums. And a life lived in constant terror of being discovered, or having to conceal my every thought from everyone around me, isn’t much of a life at all, is it?


Bubba's Pravda said...

Avenging Apostate -
I am so sorry to hear your heart so pained. I pray that God will give you the strength that you need to face the struggles in your life. I am amazed at how much I take for granted living in the West. I have never been persecuted by anyone personally. I certainly have seen insensitivity towards Christianity but nothing more. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your troubles and others troubles go away. I can only pray for you that The Comforter will sooth your tender heart. He is so much stronger that we are, yet He is in us.

God's Perfect Peace, Through Christ, Be Unto You!

Bubba's Pravda

The Merry Widow said...

AA- Remember that your life is hidden in Christ! You are already seated WITH CHRIST ON HIS THRONE in the Heavenlies! You need to meditate on WHO you are, in Christ. What is the worst that can happen to you? YOU GO HOME! With a Crown! To be forever with the Lord who loves you! HE has a mansion with your name on it! You will be in a perfect, incorruptable body, you will never hunger, thirst or weep again! Be faithful with what you have been given and you will be given cities to rule under HIM! Riches beyond counting, avoiding the coming Tribulation, union with brothers and sisters who love you unconditionally! What you have waitting for you is more than our finite minds can comprehend! G*D never promised us that we wouldn't suffer in this life, but HE did promise that HE would never leave us or forsake us! If HE was persecuted in the world, as HIS servants we expect to be rejectd also. My family and my late husband's family have rejected us because of our stand for Christ. No, I am not in danger of my life, but it is coming, even here in America. I see the steps that are being taken to eventually lead to martyrdom. But our hope is not in this world and we have been reassurred that we won't see the judgement of this world up close,but from afar! Our time on Earth is drawing to a close, know this that when we leave it may cause your family to find out why. May it leave them hungry for what you have and seek to find the TRUTH!
Put on the full armor of G*D and remember tat the "Joy of the Lord is your strength!"
Good morning, G*D bless ad Maranatha!


eyesallaround said...

AA, It must be very difficult, but I'm sure it will get better as time goes by. Once you're out on your own you can do as you please. Sometimes it's best just to hang in there and concentrate on your own life and in this case education.

Always On Watch said...

Avenging Apostate,
And a life lived in constant terror of being discovered, or having to conceal my every thought from everyone around me, isn’t much of a life at all, is it?

Don't despair, my friend. The Lord is preparing you--for what, I don't know.

Try to remember that Jesus understands your loneliness, even more than you yourself understand it. How alone He was as He walked this earth!

Soon your school friends' chit-chat will turn to other topics, probably related to their studies. Conversation for you will be easier then.

As a Christian, you will always be different from Muslims. But that difference offers you the path to salvation, a much more important matter than how anyone spends his summer vacation. Keep your eyes on eternity!

Get your education. That may be your ticket out.

Anonymous said...

There is ALWAYS a reason. T'is all I can offer you that I wholeheartedly believe. There is ALWAYS a reason.

defiant_infidel said...

AA, God has selected you to be an example and to spread the message of insight He has bestowed upon you. You are chosen. Rejoice in that and let it give you the strength needed to calmly, adamantly rise to the task He has assigned to you. Have and protect your faith.

God Bless you.