Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A tongue in cheek solution

by the Anti-Jihadist

Ladies and gentleman, Malaysia is facing a cash crunch.

The oil, lifeblood of the Government's treasury, is running out. Hugely expensive programmes such as NEP and subsidies are politically untouchable, so hence must run in perpetuity. And of course Malaysia will in the future need more massive Merdeka parades, more shiny new Russian jets to overfly said parades, and more spaceflight participants to consume teh tarik and commit khalwat in orbit. So many expenses and dwindling income. What to do?

Simply put, Malaysia seriously needs a lot of cash...and the little cash-loaded red dot to our south (which need not yet be named) needs real estate and resources. So my friends, with my tongue placed firmly in cheek, I would like to offer this simple answer for Malaysia's impending financial woes.

Let's sell Johor to Singapore!

That's right, not just the troublesome metropolis of Johor Bahru...the whole state of Johor-- lock, stock and barrel.

Quite obviously, it's a mutually beneficial deal. UMNO/BN gets billions in hard currency that they could not obtain otherwise, and hence get the grease that lubricates the wheels of their, ahem, 'unique' brand of government. Singapore gets desperately needed living space, and also acquires vital resources that it no longer has to buy from its surly neighbours (like sand and drinking water). Not to mention that those annoying issues like the causeway and the crooked bridge are rendered moot, because Singapore will own both sides of the strait. Both sides win!

Oh sure, the Sultan in JB may have a small objection to the aforementioned deal. Enough cash in his pocket and the usual UMNO-style kickback should settle the matter in the usual way. OK, let's not call it a kickback. We can call it a small gratuity, with another estate or two in Switzerland thrown in to sweeten the transaction. Besides, I am quite sure that the Sultan can work out a deal with the pragmatic folks south of the (current) border to look as if he's still in charge whilst the practical bureaucrats of the PAP take care of the less glamourous aspects of running an efficient government. Moreover, once the relatively non-corrupt Singaporean police show up in Johor Bahru and clean up the place in short order, the folks in JB should quickly grow positively fond of their new landlords. After all the BN-sanctioned corruption and violence that's plagued the place for decades, who wouldn't be grateful?

Of course, after a half century of watching UMNO governments run Johor into the ground, I wouldn't blame the Singaporeans a whit if they didn't want any part of this proposed transaction. Compared to their immaculately-kept island, Johor can best be described as a handyman's special, or a 'fixer-upper'. It would take a ton of work to spruce up the place. But the Singaporeans don't seem too averse to a dint of hard work. After all, the miracle that is today's Singapore certainly didn't build itself, did it?

Alright, it doesn't have to be an outright sale. Perhaps the parties could opt for a long-term lease with an option to buy. Let the potential new owners test-drive their new property, kick the tires, and see how they like it.

After all, the Singaporeans wouldn't want any buyer's remorse, would they?

3 comments:

Ex-Malaysian Now Singaporean said...

That's a brilliant one.

Just ask your sleeping PM to name the price. And remember to add your commission.

I am sure our LKY would like the idea.

Virgin said...

Nobody would touch that whore laden with STD called Iskandar.

Jc said...

haha fantastic piece of brainstorming there. but do we really want those chaps at UMNO to obtain more cash? do we really need more and more "mansions" popping out in malaysia?

oh i guess they could use the money to send more "angkasawan" to space. Yeah we really need more of em in space. There just aint enough mamak stall selling teh tarik and roti canai up there.

then we'll really be malaysia boleh bitches